"Public media should not contain explicit or implied descriptions of
sex acts. Our society should be purged of the perverts who provide the
media with pornographic material while pretending it has some redeeming
social value under the public's 'right to know'."
-- Kenneth Starr, 1987,
'Sixty Minutes' interview with Dianne Sawyer.
Yes, the president should resign. He has lied to the American
people, time and time again, and betrayed their trust. He is no
longer an effective leader. Since he has admitted guilt, there
is no reason to put the American people through an impeachment.
He will serve absolutely no purpose in finishing out his term,
the only possible solution is for the president to save some
dignity and resign."
--William Jefferson Clinton, 1974 on President Nixon.
- A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
- The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain,
involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The
hypothalamus controls the "Four F's":
-- Psychology professor in neuropsychology intro course
- What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the
unfit, to do the unnecessary.
-- Richard Harkness, The New York Times, 1960
- Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago: "Of
all the radio stations in Chicago...we're one of them."
- With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand
miles closer to globular cluster M13 in the constellation
Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist
that there is no such thing as progress.
-- Ransom K. Ferm
- Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
- Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to
pound in the correct screw.
- The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it
cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want
fries with that?"
- Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years
and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make
some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
-- Dave Barry
- I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants.
-- A. Whitney Brown
- A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices.
-- William James
- Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes
hurtling down the highway.
-- Andrew Tannenbaum
- We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom
that is in it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that
sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot
stove-lid again---and that is well; but also she will never sit
down on a cold one anymore.
-- Mark Twain
- There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in
-- Dick Cavett, mocking the TV-violence debate
- If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without
even considering if there are men on base.
-- Dave Barry
- When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.
- Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your
triumphs or how tragic your defeats---approximately one billion
Chinese couldn't care less.
- 668: The Neighbor of the Beast
- Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
-- Emo Phillips
- Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
- Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a
mistake when you make it again.
-- F. P. Jones
- Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn
from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their
apparent disinclination to do so.
-- Douglas Adams, _Last Chance to See_
- As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not
important that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying
me so much money. What's important is that you continue to do
-- Hunter S. Thompson's Samoan Attorney
- When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist,
a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the
God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you
-- Quentin Crisp
- Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two
nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the
imaginary rights of another.
-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
- I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick and
tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this
country with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not! But I'm
sick and tired of being told that I am!
-- Monty Python
- May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
-- George Carlin
- Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
- Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent
-- John F. Kennedy
- Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of
which I disapprove.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
- My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
- Her kisses left something to be desired -- the rest of her.
- Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
- Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less
confusing that way.
- Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you
think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
- Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
- Advising the President.
- Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
- Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I predict,
Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile
disease". Disraeli replied, "That all depends, sir, upon whether
I embrace your principles or your mistress."
- For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow
but phone calls taper off.
-- Johnny Carson
- I think that the team that wins game five will win the series.
Unless we lose game five.
-- Charles Barkley
- My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but
then I realized that I had no character.
-- Charles Barkley, on hearing Tonya Harding proclaim herself
"the Charles Barkley of figure skating"
- The most important thing in the programming language is the name.
A language will not succeed without a good name. I have recently
invented a very good name and now I am looking for a suitable
-- D. E. Knuth, 1967
- A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you
least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's
left of your unit.
-- In the August 1993 issue, page 9, of PS
magazine, the Army's magazine of preventive maintenance
- An Animated Cartoon Theology:
-- E. L. Doctorow "The Book of Daniel"
- People are animals.
- The body is mortal and subject to incredible pain.
- Life is antagonistic to the living.
- The flesh can be sawed, crushed, frozen, stretched, burned,
bombed, and plucked for music.
- The dumb are abused by the smart and the smart destroyed by
their own cunning.
- The small are tortured by the large and the large destroyed
by their own momentum.
- We are able to walk on air, but only as long as our illusion
- Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of
Congress. But I repeat myself.
-- Mark Twain
- Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they
don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the
world. Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the
- On one occasion a student burst into his office. "Professor
Stigler, I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me." To
which Stigler replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the
lowest grade the University will allow me to award."
- The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average
(mean) number of legs.
-- E. Grebenik
- Old Yiddish proverb: "If triangles had a God, He'd have three
- Don't worry about temptation--as you grow older, it starts avoiding
-- Old Farmer's Almanac
- G: "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
EB: "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the
air and scatter oneself over a wide area."
-- Somewhere in No Man's Land, BA4
- The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.
- Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone
wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more
than one night."
-- Charlie Brown, _Peanuts_ [Charles Schulz]
- The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad.
-- Salvador Dali
- What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant
intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average
-- Sigmund Freud
- I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone,
but they've always worked for me.
-- Hunter S. Thompson
- Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
-- Mark Twain
- "Time's fun when you're having flies."
-- Kermit the Frog
- "I've got my faults, but living in the past isn't one of them.
There's no future in it."
"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired
signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are
not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms
is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers,
the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not
a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it
is humanity hanging on a cross of iron."
--Dwight Eisenhower, April 16, 1953
"Everybody knows the dice are loaded, Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows the war is over, Everybody knows that the good guys lost
Everybody knows the fight was fixed: the poor stay poor, the rich stay rich
That's how it goes. Everybody knows.
Everybody knows that it's now or never. Everybody knows that it's me or you.
Everybody knows that you live forever, when you've done a line or two.
Everybody knows the deal is rotten: Old Black Joe's still pickin' cotton
for your ribbons and bows. And everybody knows."
The Santa Cruz Operation
P.O. Box 1900
Santa Cruz, California 95061
This document was last modified on December 5th, 1996.
Ronnie's Home Page or proceed to
*Cf. de Selby: "Footnotes are loved by academics, not because they
are necessary, but because they are intimations of infinity: prose
commenting on prose adumbrates mind contemplating mind and opens
an exuberance of mirrors." Golden Hours, I, 33.