Ronald Joe Record Frequently Asked Questions

Ronald Joe Record Frequently Asked Questions

These are the Frequently Asked Questions (and answers) for alt.fan.ronald-joe-record. The answers include message headers from the originator whenever possible. This list is posted monthly. To add updates or changes, send them to: rr@ronrecord.com.

version 1.03, less out-of-date and still faq-tually faqadelic.

This document is not meant to discourage anyone from participating or initiating discussion on the RR news- group. It is meant to make the reader aware of some of the topics that have already been discussed and sometimes beaten into the dust. This document is the last word on all things, especially where personal opinions or observations are involved. This document is officially sanctioned and sponsored by someone, READ: Some one is directly paying for its existence. The providers of the network connections needed to post this are in- directly paying for its distribution.

Please read this FAQ before posting to alt.fan.ronald-joe-record.

Index

Q1.
What are the lyrics to "Beer Scud Blues"?
Q2.
I heard a rumor that you were born in Enid, Oklahoma. Is this true?
Q3.
Do you really have a Ph.D. in Mathematics ?
Q4.
What are you planning to _do_ with your Ph.D. ?
Q5.
What kinds of things do you see out your window ?
Q6.
How do you find time to do all that stuff ?
Q7.
What was your original field of study ?
Q8.
Have you ever published your work ?
Q9.
How many record albums do you own ?
Q10.
What is the greatest Rock n' Roll album ever recorded ?
Q10B.
What is the greatest Elvis song ?
Q11.
What's the weirdest thing that ever happened to you ?
Q12.
Did you really hop freight with a girlfriend and a dog ?
Q13.
I heard a rumor that you were summarily dismissed from the teaching staff at the University of Florida. What's up with that ?
Q14.
What is the best Ronald Record air guitar solo?
Q15.
How did you learn to play the air guitar so well ?
Q15B.
What is the greatest Air Guitar song of all time ?
Q16.
Where can I get Ronald Record lyrics, poems and .gif files on the net?
Q17.
What is your favorite of the poems you have written ?
Q18.
What is the most frequently published of your poems ?
Q19.
How are you ? How's it going ? How are the kids ?
Q20.
What is your Smog Name ?
Q21.
Where can I go to get my poodle clipped in Burbank?
Q22.
What is the Visual Math Institute ?
Q23.
Which Firefox extensions do you use ?
Q24.
What are your musical personas ?

Q1
What are the lyrics to "Beer Scud Blues"?
A1.
The lyrics to this song have been requested many times by various readers of this newsgroup. The song's popularity may be due to its controversial, sexual subject matter or perhaps because it has a good melody. Who knows? Who really cares?
The lyrics to Beer Scud Blues as they are printed in the lyric sheet on the album (unreleased vinyl):
Beer Scud Blues 2:43
lead vocal: rr
basic track recorded live at O.T. Prices, Santa Cruz, CA
over-dubs: none

Full moon skiddin' cross the scud in the sky
Mud blood guts and beer spillin' on the rye

Hot tub hair a hangin' like moss from a tree
Smells like Texas clear up to my knee

Mouth harp's a whinin' 'bout a girl back home
Pianer player's tears clean the ivory bone

Feller from Cleveland's got some stinkin' weed
Smokes it in the bathroom and it hasn't got a seed

Drinkin' and a thinkin' and a prancin' and a dancin'
Tryin' to rope a heifer's like gamblin' and a chancin'

Barkeep says he's gotta close up tight
Take it home, try tomorrow, don't get in a fight

Headin' down the highway, headlights on the moon
Thinkin' 'bout movin' to Montana in june

In bed all alone i turn the lights down dim
Roller coaster rivers take me for a swim

Dreamin' of a Dallas whore sittin' on the throne
The whole damn world wants to hear her moan

"Gimme mud an' gimme blood and gimme guts an' beer"
She shouts it out atop the pot for all the world to hear

But when she pulls the handle, the bathroom starts to shake
Walls are a crumblin', it's a California quake

Wake up in a sweat, got a tear in my eye
Full moon skiddin' cross the scud in the sky

It is sung on the record ALMOST verbatim to the above lyrics, with a couple background vocals lines added.


Q2.
I heard a rumor that you were born in Enid, Oklahoma. Is this true?
A2.
(from the April 1993 Playboy interview):
It was Aloha and Chris who shocked their father's fans in November 1991 when they announced that he was born in Enid, Oklahoma at 11:11 am on December 4th.
Q3.
Do you really have a Ph.D. in Mathematics ?
A3.
According to the Regents of the University of California and Pete (the weasel) Wilson, the degree of Doctor of Philosophy in Mathematics was conferred upon Ronald Joe Record in either the Fall of 1994 or the Spring of 1995. It was accompanied by all the rights and priveleges thereof pertaining.
Q4.
What are you planning to _do_ with your Ph.D. ?
A4.
I dunno
Q5.
What kinds of things do you see out your window ?
A5.
My office overlooks the hillside behind the Jumpin' G ranch. This is part of the border of the Santa Cruz Greenbelt. I regularly see donkeys, deer, quail, flickers, hawks, vultures, and an infrequent human or two.
Q6.
How do you find time to do all the stuff you do ?
A6.
I use SCO Multi-screens and the Panorama Window Manager
Q7.
What was your original field of study ?
A7.
I received a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science from Phillips University in Enid, Oklahoma. At the time i was just taking whatever i felt like studying (usually based on the Professor rather than the field of study). I ended up with enough credits for a degree in either Political Science or Mathematics and nearly enough for degrees in English and Philosophy. I think this is a better approach to learning than choosing a major and specializing.
Q8.
Have you ever published your work ?
A8.
A couple of articles have been published. I am very proud to have made the cover of "the Rolling Stone" of Chaos theory - "The International Journal of Bifurcation and Chaos".
Q9.
How many record albums do you own ?
A9.
A lot. I haven't counted them, but i would guess over 2000.
Q10.
What is the greatest Rock n' Roll album ever recorded ?
A10.
"Son of Schmilsson" by Harry Nilsson
Q10B.
What is the greatest Elvis song ?
A10B.
"Surrender"
Q11.
What's the weirdest thing that ever happened to you ?
A11.
While living on the streets in Gainesville, Florida, i took shelter in an abandoned Victorian house one night during a rain storm. I slept in an octagonally shaped room on the 3rd floor and found a book, "The Song of Hiawatha" which i read and in which there lay a $20 bill. The next morning i was exploring this wonderful house that had given me Hiawatha and a twenty when i came across a bowling bag stuffed behind some old ledgers in a downstairs closet. I pulled the bag out and opened it and there, inside, was my old bowling ball from my days as a High School bowler in Enid, Oklahoma. The ball still had "Record" inscribed on it. I never have been able to figure out why The Fates tried to give a homeless street person his old bowling ball back.
Q12.
Did you really hop freight with a girlfriend and a dog ?
A12.
Yep. I'll tell you that story sometime down at the Red Room, Ok ?
Q13.
I heard a rumor that you were summarily dismissed from the teaching staff at the University of Florida. What's up with that ?
A13.
Well, yes, i was "fired" from my job as Teaching Assistant for giving all of my students in Business Calculus purple A's as their final grades. In retrospect, i probably shouldn't have used purple. The Chairman of the Department of Mathematics at the University of Florida was the well-respected Dr. A. R. Bednarek. He informed me (in florid terms) that the purpose of the Business Calculus class was not to teach Business Calculus but to fail 15% of the students as that was one of the main filters in the Business Administration program. I was able to justify my grades with stacks of documents proving the students had, in fact, learned Business Calculus. I was reinstated on probation, taught another semester and quit.
Q14.
What is the best Ronald Record air guitar solo?
A14.
Another difficult question because Ronnie has done so f***ing many great air guitar solos. This is one question whose answers are entirely subjective, and one that readers should feel free to ask again, because it is a great stimulus for discussion.
Here is what some of the readers of this newsgroup said: ------------------------------------------------------------ ~From: pvezina@uvmark.uucp (Philippe Vezina)
There are many favorite solos but here are my top five (not necessarily in any order):
1 - Carolina Hardcore Ecstacy
2 - Rat Tormago
3 - Muffin Man
4 - Yo' Mama
5 - Watermelon in Easter Hay
------------------------------------------------------------ ~From: JJANSSENS@KUBVX1.KUB.NL (Jeroen Janssens)
The ending air guitar solo from `Don't you ever wash that thing?' (Roxy & E)
The solo from `Big Swifty' (YCDTOSA #1)
The solo from `Inca Roads' (BBYNHIYL; it sounds _so_ relaxed)
`Were we ever really safe in San Antonio?' (Air Guitar; this must be the second solo from `Drowning Witch')
O yes, let's not forget the one from `Purple Lagoon' (Live in NY)
------------------------------------------------------------
~From: ken@claris.com (Ken Walter)
"The Ocean Is the Ultimate Solution" on "Sleep Dirt" is one of my favorites.
------------------------------------------------------------
~From: sande@Elkraft.Unit.NO (Gorm Sande)
One of my favourites:
The solo on "Truck driver's divorce" on YCDTOSAM vol. 4
------------------------------------------------------------
~From: belas@comb1.comb.umd.edu (BOB AT COMB)
My own favorite is "Treacherous cretins" with "Watermelons in Easter Hay" as a very close runner up.
------------------------------------------------------------
~From: reavie@bldghsc.lan1.umanitoba.ca (Keir Reavie)
I'd have to toss it up between the studio versions of Movin' to Montana or Pajama People. As well as the solos, Ronnie had great air bands behind him on both of these.
------------------------------------------------------------
~From: sweet@skat.usc.edu (Rob Sweet)
I can't believe that no one has mentioned one of the most relentless air guitar solos played by anybody, RAT TOMAGO! I love to hear this at a volume that is just below the threshold where the speaker coils are ready to weld together.
------------------------------------------------------------
~From: the.evil.prince@suzyscreamcheeze.altcit.eskimo.com
Man there are so many but one over looked one has got to be The air solo on Stuff up the cracks! man it is just so freaking hot. He scorches it! People don't recognize that one because of the nature of the Ruben album, but for sheer fire and for the "middle finger" rating as Ronnie might put it - man it's way up there. The "Whole lotta love" solo on Lather was also an exhibit of air pyrotechnique' by the man. God this is crazy because there are literally so many!!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------
~From: hank@sound.music.mcgill.ca (Hank Knox)
Yo Mama is definately a great air solo; I would also nominate the amazing air solo from The Ocean is the Ultimate Solution (Sleep Dirt), and the air solo from Filthy Habits (Sleep Dirt). Then there is the air solo from the Best Band You Never Heard, from the Torture Never Stops (thanks to Diane for sending me back to listen to that one again: amazing!).
Give me a few days w/my cd player: there's bound to be a zillion more...
------------------------------------------------------------
~From: harring@helios.phy.ohiou.edu (Peter B. Harrington)
My vote for the best air solo at this time is the "Whipping Post" air solo from Them or Us. I also like "Truck Driver Divorce, both live and studio," and don't forget "Black Napkins" on YCDTOSA vol 6. So in a minute I can think of 4 hottest air solos. Better sign off before I think of anymore. Well, one more how about "Oh No" on make a Jazz Noise.
------------------------------------------------------------
~From: jhon@cix.compulink.co.uk (Jon Bradley)
Hot fave Air Solos :
The Deathless Horsie [cos it's cute]
Why Johnny Can't Read [listen to this *really* loud]
Both from Shut Up and Play Yer Air Guitar
------------------------------------------------------------
~From: scm@watson.ibm.com (Scott Morrison)
My nominee for best air solo is Yo Mama from the Sheik Yerbouti album. This piece is an incredible composition, that could stand on its own, without the surrounding song. This is much less true, IMHO, of many of the solos on Air Guitar, and the Shut Up series.
My runners up include:
Watermelon In Easter Hay (Joe's Garage)
What's New In Baltimore (RR Meets the Mothers of Prevention)
Ship Ahoy (Shut Up and Play Yer Air Guitar)
Son of Mr. Green Jeans (Hot Rats)

Q15.
How did you learn to play the air guitar so well ?
A15.
I studied air guitar with R. "Bud" Philson, creator of the Philson Air Guitar. For those interested, see Volume 1 of R. "Bud" Philson's "Easy Air Guitar" at : http://www.digitalrag.com/mirror/air.html
Q15B.
What is the greatest Air Guitar song of all time ?
A15B.
"Maggot Brain" by Funkadelic
Q16.
Where can I get Ronald Record lyrics, poems and .gif files on the net?
A16.
There is a WWW home page for Ronald Joe Record at : http://ronrecord.com that has lyrics, poems and .gif pictures that RJR himself created. A few poems are on-line as well as several interesting stories. There is also a wing of the Savage Rabbit Art Gallery at : http://www.ronrecord.com/skunkware/95/Savage/savage.html which contains works by RJR. Finally, there is an anonymous ftp archive of images created by RJR at ftp.sco.com in /Skunk1/CD-ROM/pics/gif in the subdirectories endo, hop, julia, lyap, pop, self, spore and xtopo.
Q17.
What is your favorite of the poems you have written ?
A17.
Of the poems that i have written, the following is my favorite.

This is not the poem i wrote for Thanksgiving but it is the poem i just wrote

                             Slabor of Lub

	Oh, how i slabored for your love

	delaybered and jaybird for yer gov

	I even flavored your belabored glove

		I writ and i quit and i writ smore
		I print and i sprint and i copy galore
		I even threw a fit soze i could git l'amour

			Darken, lighten, reduce and indent
			Hearken, brighten, deduce and tint
			This laboratory love is so circumspent

	Oh, how i slabored for your nub
	beneighbored and trailered fer yer grub
	I even savored your disfavor wid my stub

	Oh, how i slabored for your love


Q18.
What is the most frequently published of your poems ?
A18.
By far the most frequently published poem i have written is my "Ode to Work". It goes like this :

                          Ode to Work

	Thou annointest me with praise and promotion,
	Thou favorest me with perk and party,
	Thy paycheck and thine project are mine.

	Oh, how sweet the scent of thy sweat -
	The blessed perspiration of thy success.
	Tis from the bosom of thy factories that i drink.

	Oh, work, i find myself in thee and thee in me.
	My days are made full and my nights rest full because of thee.
	Mine hands are filled with pleasure at thy touch.

	Yeah, toil and struggle are rewarded bi-weekly and with bonus,
	Thou transformest my labor into gaseous vapors vent from volvos,
	Mine actions into rent offerings unto the Lords of the Land.

	Unto thee i come daily and in sleep i dream of thee.
	Know thee me not ?
	Hast thou not kept me and fed me lo these years ?

	Ah, Lord of Labor, know this -
	Tis i that have fattened you,
	Tis i that spent my soul for thy fortune.

	Yet, give me pause this day to thank you.
	For twas my gift, my labor of love.
	And i have fathered for you many products.

	So let us take our luncheon long and lay beneath the sun.
	Twas labor in painful pleasure that brought us forth,
	And we, in labor, bear both sweet and bitter fruit.


Q19.
How are you ? How's it going ? How are the kids ?
A19.
These are the toughest questions for me to answere. And probably the most frequently asked. How does one begin to answer the ultimate self-referential, epistimological, neuro-psychological query "How are you" ? I never know what to say. And then the person who asked what was probably just a rhetorical greeting usually just continues on with whatever they were doing leaving me feeling confused, inadequate, anti-social, and cynical wrt my fellow man. Like who really cares, anyway ? And who really knows anything about themselves ? And if they did, what business is it of yours ? And if i cared to share my pitiful delusionary misunderstanding of myself with you, you'd probably rush off to the break room before i was even halfway started anyway.

As for the kids, they're doing great ! Chris is attending school regularly and keeping out of trouble as best he can. Aloha is busy with planning and coordinating school activities and keeping up her good grades. Willow is talking up a storm and amazing us daily.


Q20.
What is your Smog Name ?
A20.
Joe Ramona
Q21.
Where can I go to get my poodle clipped in Burbank?
A21.
At Ralph's Vegetarian Poodle Clipping.
Q22.
What is the Visual Math Institute ?
A22.
The Visual Math Institue is the creation of Dr. Ralph Abraham, Professor of Mathematics. Dr. Ronald Joe Record is on the staff of VMI and co-authored an interactive CD-ROM companion to a book on planar chaos.
Q23.
Which Firefox extensions do you use ?
A23.
One Firefox extension i use is InfoLister which produces HTML output listing the extensions i use.

I also use the Flock browser. Here are the Firefox extensions I use with Flock.

Q24.
What are your musical personas ?
A24.
In no particular order, i am the lead air guitarist in an air band called Proxy Music. It's all air instruments, even air vocals and air wind instruments. I have a lucrative hip-hop career as the stock rock rapper EmenEnron. My Spice Girls name is "Old Spice". During the California energy crisis i formed a band called The Rolling Blackouts that followed PG&E's rolling blackout schedule to play a single power chord right as the power blacked out. I have a Tenacious D tribute band called Fallacious E. I have another tribute band called Stones of the Queen Age that performs covers of The Rolling Stones, Queen, and Queens of the Stone Age. Alex Sack and I formed a band called Mind Bullets whose first album, "Mind Bullets", contains all songs that are mind bullets. I'm in a couple of "boy bands". One, The Front Street Boys, only performs on Front Street in Santa Cruz. In The Front Street Boys i am the Smart Wise One singing along with Marty (The Nice Fun One), Tim (The Kind Gruff One), and Ed (The Young Cute One). I'm also in NSTINKD but i don't like to talk about it.

Most recently I have formed a Poster Punk band with Marty and Jamie called The Problematics. We don't actually perform, we just make flyers and posters of our non-existent gigs and albums and setlists. Our first album, "Opie's Eyes", contains the hit singles:


"Welcome to Dog Shit City"
"Ronnie's Got a Magic Ass"
"Straight-Edge Interpretation"
"Swimming in the Bike Lane"
"Concrete Pillow"
"Skanky Chicken"
"Blah Y'All"

Ronnie's Home Page or proceed to Ronnie's Bookmarks